I think in today's society, especially with social media, it's very easy to portray your life through rose tinted glasses. Looking like you're on top of everything life-wise, being social, being "on trend". Stepping out of that frame and saying "actually, I suffer from panic attacks and feel frankly, shit." is a really daunting prospect. I hid mine as well as I could until they became more frequent, and more public until nearly all of my friends and acquaintances knew or had seen me have an anxiety / panic attack. When I came to realise that, it terrified me. I thought "everyone is going to think I am mental". It took me a little while to accept these part-time characteristics of mine but I feel like I'm coming around to it.I shouldn't have to feel shame and guilt for something that is not only excruciating to go through, but also completely not my fault whatsoever?
Because of the general silence about mental health I admittedly still felt completely alone, even though I knew that mental health affects almost everyone at some point in their lives. I was approached by a few people about their experiences with similar issues to mine, and I learnt that it was completely normal to experience what I did (and still do from time to time). I interviewed 3 people, 2 female, 1 male, all aged between 18-24, specifically about panic attacks - and this is what I found.
What emotions and / or sensations do you feel during a panic attack?
Person 1: "With "mini ones", my heart starts racing (despite being on beta blocker medication to calm my heart rate down). I start hyperventilating. I don't talk throughout them which is how friends and family know what's happening because I go quiet. I feel like every bad thing that could possibly happen, will and there's no stopping it. But normally I can be calmed down and they only last a few minutes.
With "big ones", the same feelings apply apart from I become very aware I'm having a panic attack which makes it worse. My fingers and right side of my face go numb, and my vision becomes blotchy, as if I'm going to pass out. My whole body tenses, and I genuinely believe I'm going to die or that I'm having a heart attack.. As a student nurse people say to me 'that's so stupid, you know you can't die from a panic attack'. Yes, I do know that, but in the moment its all I think. They can last up to 20/25 minutes."
Person 2: The most recent one I can remember was at a party, I forgot my inhaler. So the thought of 'oh shit, I'm going to have an asthma attack' was lingering in the back of my mind. I started getting flustered and shaky. Being drunk didn't help either as I couldn't really calm myself down so I started freaking out. I still thought it was my asthma playing up.but my friend who's a paramedic sat me down, checked my chest and apparently it wasn't, I was just having a panic attack. He told me I wouldn't accept that I was having one, but I was certain it was my asthma. He got me to do breathing exercises which didn't really help because I was still trying to fight off that it was actually my anxiety.
Person 3: I feel a lack of oxygen, reduced vision (walls closing in) and I'm completely unable to control breathing.
How do you feel after a panic episode?
Person 1: I just feel really tired. I explain how it feels to my mum and dad that it's like when you were on holiday as a kid and you've been swimming non stop all day that you're so tired and your body aches when you finish for the day. I don't want to do anything else. Just go to bed. I also apologise to whoever is with me at the time because I always feel so bad.
Person 2: I feel pretty tired and embarrassed, even if I'm on my own. I like to think of myself as someone who tries not to let feelings or emotions bother me, so when something like that happens where I'm not in control I feel weak.
Person 3: I feel stupid mostly as I usually cry through the attack. But at the same time, relief that it's over, and that I can breathe and see properly again.
How have others responded to you having an episode, or talking about your Anxiety?
Person 1: My family, boyfriend, and best friend are the only people I trust to be with
when I'm feeling anxious. It's hard for them to
understand it, even when they see it because nothing necessarily has to
trigger it. I do have 'triggers' but I can just be anxious for no
reason sometimes.They
do ask questions and I'm happy to answer. My dad's
someone who doesn't believe something until he's seen it, and
always ignored my anxiety, until he saw me mid panic attack.From then he's been so
supportive. Other people who have either witnessed my anxiety or know I have it aren't so understanding. Some ask
questions, others are very small minded about it. Especially when I
was younger, people always used to think I was either attention
seeking or trying to get out of something.
Person 2: Honestly, I never talk about it. I like to pretend I don't have it. Not from a social point of view, where I'm worried what people would think of me- I don't really care. I just don't want to accept that I have it. It's the same as depression. I'm into comedy, and I'm quite confident, so as someone who makes fun of myself and others a lot I'd never even imagine someone like me could be nervous or be depressed, but I am a lot of the time, and it sucks, it feels like a part of me isn't even me any more.
Person 3: Every time I've had one, luckily I've been around people. I dread to think how awful it would be to have one alone. They have always either helped me control my breathing or fussed my hair and hugged me until I was calm, and then carried on hugging me after. I tend not to tell people about my anxiety unless they're close to me or I trust them enough to begin with.
Person 2: Honestly, I never talk about it. I like to pretend I don't have it. Not from a social point of view, where I'm worried what people would think of me- I don't really care. I just don't want to accept that I have it. It's the same as depression. I'm into comedy, and I'm quite confident, so as someone who makes fun of myself and others a lot I'd never even imagine someone like me could be nervous or be depressed, but I am a lot of the time, and it sucks, it feels like a part of me isn't even me any more.
Person 3: Every time I've had one, luckily I've been around people. I dread to think how awful it would be to have one alone. They have always either helped me control my breathing or fussed my hair and hugged me until I was calm, and then carried on hugging me after. I tend not to tell people about my anxiety unless they're close to me or I trust them enough to begin with.
As a sufferer of panic attacks, I can relate to nearly every aspect of these experiences.
If you imagine anxiety as a line you have 0 - completely fine, and 10 which is severe panic attack - someone with anxiety may not be at 10 every hour of the day, seven days of the week. But it's easy to see that even being at a 3/4 constantly could be draining.
I hope this comforts people who also suffer from panic attacks and / or anxiety, and gives people who didn't really know that much about anxiety a little more insight. If you see someone having a panic attack, you should let them know that they are safe, that they can take as much time as they need to feel better, and possibly get them some water and give them some space. If you want more information go the following sites:
http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/anxiety-and-panic-attacks/#.VhWzcflViko
http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/pages/understanding-panic-attacks.aspx
