Panic At The Disco (and other inconvenient places)

According to a British YouGov survey, almost 1 in 5 people feel anxious all or a lot of the time. That's quite a lot of people isn't it? You'd think that with that many people suffering from a mental health condition, everyone would be aware of it, or at least know a little bit about it. But sadly that's not the case. There's this out of date stigma attached to the term "mental illness" which makes everyone want to cover their ears and run away before "the men in white coats" come and get them. Whether you suffer from depression, anxiety or one of the many mental health conditions in the world, there's almost a fear to admit you suffer with one or more because you don't want to freak out other people, or be judged by them.

I think in today's society, especially with social media, it's very easy to portray your life through rose tinted glasses. Looking like you're on top of everything life-wise, being social, being "on trend". Stepping out of that frame and saying "actually, I suffer from panic attacks and feel frankly, shit." is a really daunting prospect. I hid mine as well as I could until they became more frequent, and more public until nearly all of my friends and acquaintances knew or had seen me have an anxiety / panic attack. When I came to realise that, it terrified me. I thought "everyone is going to think I am mental". It took me a little while to accept these part-time characteristics of mine but I feel like I'm coming around to it.I shouldn't have to feel shame and guilt for something that is not only excruciating to go through, but also completely not my fault whatsoever?

Because of the general silence about mental health I admittedly still felt completely alone, even though I knew that mental health affects almost everyone at some point in their lives. I was approached by a few people about their experiences with similar issues to mine, and I learnt that it was completely normal to experience what I did (and still do from time to time). I interviewed 3 people, 2 female, 1 male, all aged between 18-24, specifically about panic attacks - and this is what I found.

What emotions and / or sensations do you feel during a panic attack?

Person 1:      "With "mini ones", my heart starts racing (despite being on beta blocker medication to calm my heart rate down). I start hyperventilating. I don't talk throughout them which is how friends and family know what's happening because I go quiet. I feel like every bad thing that could possibly happen, will and there's no stopping it. But normally I can be calmed down and they only last a few minutes.
With "big ones", the same feelings apply apart from I become very aware I'm having a panic attack which makes it worse. My fingers and right side of my face go numb, and my vision becomes blotchy, as if I'm going to pass out. My whole body tenses, and I genuinely believe I'm going to die or that I'm having a heart attack.. As a student nurse people say to me 'that's so stupid, you know you can't die from a panic attack'. Yes, I do know that, but in the moment its all I think. They can last up to 20/25 minutes."

Person 2: The most recent one I can remember was at a party, I forgot my inhaler. So the thought of 'oh shit, I'm going to have an asthma attack' was lingering in the back of my mind. I started getting flustered and shaky. Being drunk didn't help either as I couldn't really calm myself down so I started freaking out. I still thought it was my asthma playing up.but my friend who's a paramedic sat me down, checked my chest and apparently it wasn't, I was just having a panic attack. He told me I wouldn't accept that I was having one, but I was certain it was my asthma. He got me to do breathing exercises which didn't really help because I was still trying to fight off that it was actually my anxiety.

Person 3: I feel a lack of oxygen, reduced vision (walls closing in) and I'm completely unable to control breathing.

How do you feel after a panic episode?

Person 1: I just feel really tired. I explain how it feels to my mum and dad that it's like when you were on holiday as a kid and you've been swimming non stop all day that you're so tired and your body aches when you finish for the day. I don't want to do anything else. Just go to bed. I also apologise to whoever is with me at the time because I always feel so bad.

Person 2: I feel pretty tired and embarrassed, even if I'm on my own. I like to think of myself as someone who tries not to let feelings or emotions bother me, so when something like that happens where I'm not in control I feel weak.

Person 3: I feel stupid mostly as I usually cry through the attack. But at the same time, relief that it's over, and that I can breathe and see properly again.

How have others responded to you having an episode, or talking about your Anxiety?

 

Person 1: My family, boyfriend, and best friend are the only people I trust to be with when I'm feeling anxious. It's hard for them to understand it, even when they see it because nothing necessarily has to trigger it. I do have 'triggers' but I can just be anxious for no reason sometimes.They do ask questions and I'm happy to answer. My dad's someone who doesn't believe something until he's seen it, and always ignored my anxiety, until he saw me mid panic attack.From then he's been so supportive. Other people who have either witnessed my anxiety or know I have it aren't so understanding. Some ask questions, others are very small minded about it. Especially when I was younger, people always used to think I was either attention seeking or trying to get out of something.

Person 2: Honestly, I never talk about it. I like to pretend I don't have it. Not from a social point of view, where I'm worried what people would think of me- I don't really care. I just don't want to accept that I have it. It's the same as depression. I'm into comedy, and I'm quite confident, so as someone who makes fun of myself and others a lot I'd never even imagine someone like me could be nervous or be depressed, but I am a lot of the time, and it sucks, it feels like a part of me isn't even me any more.

Person 3: Every time I've had one, luckily I've been around people. I dread to think how awful it would be to have one alone. They have always either helped me control my breathing or fussed my hair and hugged me until I was calm, and then carried on hugging me after. I tend not to tell people about my anxiety unless they're close to me or I trust them enough to begin with.

As a sufferer of panic attacks, I can relate to nearly every aspect of these experiences.

If you imagine anxiety as a line you have 0 - completely fine, and 10 which is severe panic attack - someone with anxiety may not be at 10 every hour of the day, seven days of the week. But it's easy to see that even being at a 3/4 constantly could be draining.

 I hope this comforts people who also suffer from panic attacks and / or anxiety, and gives people who didn't really know that much about anxiety a little more insight. If you see someone having a panic attack, you should let them know that they are safe, that they can take as much time as they need to feel better, and possibly get them some water and give them some space. If you want more information go the following sites:

http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/anxiety-and-panic-attacks/#.VhWzcflViko

http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/pages/understanding-panic-attacks.aspx

         

Avoiding eye contact with The Big Issue

After a money-robbing night out dancing to 60's-90's classics with my friends and smoking enough cigarettes to induce a chest infection I made my way back to Nottingham train station.

'Big issue??' I heard being called out in the midst of the city noise. I pushed the magazine out of my way, said I was skint and headed for the entrance. The man looked at me disappointingly but I brushed it off and sat in the warm coffee shop inside. After looking over at him trying to hand out magazines relentlessly, I went back to apologise and gave him the last £3 I had in change.

We started talking and I asked him (we'll call him Dom) about his day.

Dom said he had an hour left of his shift, showing me the 12 magazines left to sell in order to make enough money for the day. "The worst part is the ignorance, that people just walk by you and pretend you don't exist."

With that he stopped a man approaching the doors and asked if he wanted to “help the homeless, help The Big Issue,” to which the suited man replied 'na sorry not today'. I broke it down in my head I thought, when you put it in literal terms like that "do you want to help the homeless?" Saying no doesn't seem like an option.

Dom asked three more people, all who looked at him sheepishly and tried to avoid eye contact. 'I've been on the other side of it...I was ignorant myself. But when you lose everything you understand that they-we, are just normal people...this could happen to anyone.'

I suggested how infuriating it must be sometimes to be looked down upon by so many people daily, and asked how he sees through the negativity – as Dom seemed such a positive young man. 'Yeah there's a lot of arse holes but then you meet nice people like yourself who give me the time of day.' A couple came up to him with a packet of crisps and a fiver and he spoke to them like they were close friends. It turned out the couple often came to speak to Dom.

I asked my friend if he had a lighter, and Dom's colleague, who was just finishing his shift- sifted through his torn, heavy duty bag, and dumped his sleeping bag on the floor just to give me his own. I pushed it back to him but he insisted I keep it. I thought how funny it was that in a world where we have everything we want and are rigid to give it away, people who go about their days with all their belongings in two hands are so willing to share.

As I wished them both all the best and got on my train, I couldn't help but feel guilty at the £60 I'd spent the night before. I wondered how valuable even half of that would be to Dom or his colleague and instantly felt uneasy about how much I took what I had for granted.

Homelessness is an ever growing problem and so many people are all too quick to brand those affected with the stereotype of 'druggies' and 'wasters' before getting to know them and discovering their story. I think if we as a society looked at them as real people and less like outcasts, we would be more inclined and engaged to start acting more productively to help tackle this national poverty epidemic.

I can't give money to every charity or buy every magazine from every person, but once in a while just help as much as you can. Buy someone a cup of tea with your spare change on a cold day, or even just talk and get to know someone for 5 minutes. I think it might change your perspective potentially as much as it changed mine.

Jamie T and Me. (Album Review)

I find it quite difficult to describe Jamie T as an artist. He's not someone you can box into a set of expectations because, until you listen to his music you can't get a proper understanding. Sat in my garage in the summer, waiting to hear Jamie's first single on Radio 1 after his 5 year hiatus; I explained him to my Step-Dad as "a bit jack the lad-y, a bit rap-y and quite indie/rock-y?." And then Don't You Find aired, and he looked at me like "are you sure?".

After obsessing over Panic Prevention and Kings and Queens - Don't You Find made my ears prick up. It wasn't what I was expecting, and I was sceptical about what the album would be like but I still liked it and was just grateful to have some new material from him.

I pre-ordered the album, as soon as I'd got back from Reading Festival, where I was lucky enough to see his secret set (which was absolutely mental) I was definitely not disappointed upon it's arrival.

I feel that with Carry On the Grudge, Jamie let his guard down and there's an essence of vulnerability. This is introduced straight away on the opening track of the album - Limits Lie. Some of my favourite tracks on this record are the ones where you're treated to a softer side of the Jack the Lad. The Prophet, Mary Lee, and Love is Only a Heartbeat Away are my favourites of that sort.

This being said, I'm not saying that he's turned into a wet paper towel. He's still got his edge and fierceness about him that he's so famous for. After the emotional Mary Lee, Trouble picks the pace back up. Rabbit Hole reintroduces you to the Jamie T you remember, but still shows progression since his If You Got The Money days.
When I think about how shocked I was to first hear Don't You Find, I know it was the perfect single to release, out of all of them. I'm not saying that Zombie isn't a great song, but Don't You Find's purpose was to cause shock and to make people listen - he wanted to show that he was going in a new direction. I don't think that the album is miles and miles apart from his previous albums; he's still got that fire to him but I think Carry On The Grudge shows his maturing as a person, and his evolution as an artist. I love this album and rate it 4/5.